Walking Through Hard Moments with your Kids
A Guide for Parents
I know many of us are carrying heavy hearts after the recent shooting at Brown University, along with other painful events happening around our country and the world. Moments like these have a way of shaking us — not only because of what happened, but because they touch something deep in us as parents. They raise questions about safety, about how much our kids are seeing and feeling, and about how to guide them when we ourselves feel unsettled.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed, unsure, or even a little numb, you’re not alone. These reactions are human. And in moments like this, our kids look to us — not for perfect answers, but for steadiness, honesty, and reassurance.
My hope is that this guide gives you something solid to stand on. Not a script to follow, but a framework to help you care for your own heart and walk gently with your children through theirs. As a church, we love you deeply, and we believe that with God’s help, and with one another, we can navigate hard conversations with wisdom, compassion, and hope.
1. Start with you — your emotions matter
Before we talk to our kids, we have to be honest about how we are doing. Kids read us quickly — even when we think we’re hiding it. They follow our emotional cues more than our words.
As neuroscience researcher Daniel Siegel reminds us, we help our kids experience “love without fear” when we ourselves are aware, grounded, and steady.
A few ways to calm and care for your own heart:
Lean into your support system — family, friends, and church. Research shows that feeling supported by a faith community leads to fewer symptoms of depression and post-traumatic stress disorder.
Talk through your emotions with other trusted adults instead of processing them through your kids.
Bring your fears and anxieties to God.
Be honest about how you feel, but don’t lean on your child for emotional support.
Being regulated doesn’t mean pretending everything is fine. It means being grounded enough to guide your children through their emotions without overwhelming them.
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
(Psalm 34:18)
2. Be careful with media exposure
We live in a world where tragic events reach us instantly and often graphically. Repeated exposure — especially through news and social media — can create real secondary trauma, particularly for kids and teens.
Do your best to limit what you and your children are seeing right now.
A few reminders:
Step away from the constant “breaking news” cycle.
Keep graphic images and videos out of reach of kids of all ages.
For older kids and teens, explain why watching these videos isn’t helpful for their hearts and minds.
Be thoughtful about what you post or share online.
No matter the event, check your biases, learn the facts, and look for ways to help rather than react.
Our goal isn’t to shield kids from reality forever — it’s to protect them from unnecessary emotional overload.
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest…
For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
(Matthew 11:28–30)
3. Keep routines and connection strong
When the world feels unpredictable, everyday routines become a powerful source of safety for kids.
Returning to school and normal activities can feel scary for some children after events like this. Consistent rhythms help signal, “You’re safe, and we’re here.”
Look for simple ways to strengthen connections at home:
Reading together before bed
Playing a quick game
Sharing a snack
Talking in the car
Sitting together before the day begins
One of the most meaningful tools you have is 20 minutes of child-led, distraction-free time each day. No agenda. No commands. Just join your child in what they enjoy. That sense of connection travels with them into the world.
Offering a comforting object — a note, small photo, or favorite item — can also help kids carry a sense of safety with them during the day.
Slowing down together this week is one of the best gifts you can give your family.
“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.”
(Isaiah 41:10)
4. Talking with your kids — An age by age guide
When it comes to hard conversations, the goal is always the same:
Seek to understand your child’s inner world before trying to explain the outer world.
Start by listening. Ask gentle questions. Let them talk before you try to fix or explain.
Pre-K to Age 6
Young children don’t understand the complexity of mass violence. Unless a family they know was directly affected, it’s often best not to bring it up.
If they do hear about it or ask questions:
Keep explanations short (2–3 sentences).
Keep them simple and factual.
End with something hopeful — helpers, heroes, or people who kept others safe.
Ask yourself: What version of this story will my child repeat to themselves at bedtime?
Help them label emotions like fear, sadness, anger, or confusion. This age is critical for learning how to put words to feelings.
Ages 7–11
This stage isn’t much different.
Limit exposure to graphic images.
Keep the news out of earshot.
Allow space for questions and emotions.
Stick to normal family routines.
If they see upsetting images, intentionally point them toward stories of helpers and heroes.
Ages 11–14
Middle schoolers are usually more aware of the details.
Ask what they’ve heard.
Listen carefully to how they’re processing it.
Answer questions honestly but without unnecessary detail.
This is a good opportunity to talk about your family values and how your family responds to hard moments — prayer, empathy, serving others, and choosing love over fear.
Ages 15–18
Teenagers often want to do something.
Listen before debating.
Help them name their emotions.
Guide them toward constructive, compassionate actions.
Encourage them to think about how they can be a voice for love in their community.
“Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.”
(James 1:19)
5. Model Compassion and Faith in Action
If we want our kids to value human life and respond with love, they need to see us living that out.
Let them see you:
Seeking support
Naming your emotions in healthy ways
Choosing compassion
Praying and trusting God
Responding with love rather than fear
This isn’t about getting it perfect — it’s about being present and faithful.
“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear.”
(1 John 4:18)
Moving forward together
Parents, moments like these are heavy, and it’s okay to name that. You may not feel fully prepared for these conversations — and that doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means you care.
You don’t need perfect words or perfectly timed conversations. Your calm presence, your listening ear, and your consistent love provide a sense of safety that no explanation ever could. God is at work in the quiet moments — the car rides, the bedtime questions, the shared prayers, and even the silence.
As a church family, we want you to know you’re not carrying this alone. If you need prayer, support, or simply someone to talk with, please reach out. We love you, we’re with you, and we’re trusting Jesus to bring His peace and steadiness into your homes in the days ahead.
“The Lord bless you and keep you;
the Lord make his face shine on you and be gracious to you;
the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace.”
(Numbers 6:24–26)
— Nelson
Youth Ministry Director
BridgePointe Christian Church
