KENDALL M.
My name is Kendall and this is my journey in my walk with Christ. I was born into a non-Christian family that was dysfunctional because of alcoholism and substance abuse. Growing up, I had to raise myself and my little sister due to my mother’s abuse and neglect towards me; she never taught me right from wrong. My dad was an addict and was never around either. In those years, I faced starvation, physical abuse, sexual abuse, and emotional abuse. When I was eight years old, my mother lost custody and I moved in with a family member but the trauma of what had happened to me still haunted me and caused my mental health to decline. I would self harm and isolate myself. I still have the scars on my body from years ago.
I first met Jesus around 2019 when I discovered a gospel song and was instantly moved by it. I decided I wanted to be a Christian and follow Jesus in 2020 during lockdown. Unfortunately, I fell back into my old habits and this would become a pattern for many years. I feel that I found Jesus once again in early 2021. I was on fire for God and asked my guardian to order me a Bible. I had internet access young, unfortunately, but I would post stuff about Jesus daily. I received both support and backlash from people I knew.
Then my mother passed away from addiction, making me a complete orphan because my father already passed from addiction, too. I fell apart and my world once again crashed down on me. I tried to stay with my faith but my family members I was with at the time did not support it and shamed me and called me names for believing in God. I decided to seek community in the church in my time of need, but I was only allowed to go to a church that didn’t align with what the Bible teaches. There were amazing people there but I was hurt that I wasn’t allowed to choose my own path. Over time, with my mother passing away and my family’s mental abuse, I started going back into my old habits and was sent away to a facility and disregarded by family.
From the ages of 11 to 13, I was in seven short-term mental health wards and one residential program because of my self-harm and suicidal tendencies from my depression and PTSD. In one of these stays, a worker came in and handed all of us a Bible; I had not held a Bible in months. When I opened the Bible, I was confused with what to do with it, but a girl from my program gave me a highlighter and told me to highlight what stands out. Everyone in my program proceeded to do this, many people for the first time. I felt a sense of peace when I did this, as if the world kind of went silent around me.
When I got home, I was doing better for a while but eventually fell back into my old habits due to my own actions and the pressure of my family. From early 2022 to early 2024, I had pretty much no faith and no morals. I had tried smoking, self-harming, relationships, witchcraft and other things to try to fill the void in my soul. Of course, nothing worked.
In early 2024, I found out I was pregnant and I sat and cried in that bathroom wondering to God about what I would do. I knew abortion wasn’t the right choice for me and I wanted to keep my baby. I told my family and was instantly dragged to an abortion clinic while saying I don’t want to. I was threatened to be kicked out if I did not go through with the abortion, but I did not let their pressure get to me. I knew I had to do better for my baby and that my unhealthy habits needed to end and I would not continue the cycle of my parents. God wanted better for me and my baby.
Through this period of staying with my family, I was neglected and abused by people who I never thought would do this to me, as they attempted to make me miscarry my daughter. I prayed that God would protect me and my daughter and He did not fail us. One of my best friends told her family about me and they took me in and accepted me without a second doubt.
This was the first time I felt looked at for who I am now and that I wasn’t placed in a category. I feel that God has finally placed me in the home where He destined me to be; all the years of struggle were worth it in the end because while being here, I was saved by my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and I got what I always wanted: a real home. I will be forever grateful for His forgiveness and for giving me a second chance, so I can end the cycle, knowing that my daughter will never have to go through what I did.